Hello lovelies! I hope you are having a wonderful week so far! Last week, I shared several of my favourite conversation tips on the blog. If you missed it, you can read Part 1 here. If you want to have a thriving life and strong relationships, you need to develop your conversational skills. They take practice—and believe me, I’m still learning like everyone else! In my service-oriented job, I talk to people all day long. And, the more I do it, the more I learn!
Here are even more ideas on how to improve your conversational skills.
Tip #5: If you want to talk about something controversial, let them go first.
As a disclaimer, I’m NOT suggesting that you talk about controversial topics with just anyone.
Usually, these conversations are more productive when you’ve already got a strong foundation in the relationship. That way, people tend to be more respectful and courteous.
However, there is a time and a place for everything. Sometimes, you’ll want to know where someone stands on an issue like politics, abortion, or gun control.
In such cases, I would recommend that you first ask the person what their views are. Listen carefully and ask appropriate questions. Then, assuming they are reasonably polite, they will be ready to hear your view. Of course, be prepared to support your views with appropriate facts, statistics, or Bible verses.
If you try to share your opinion first, they may dismiss you immediately. But, if you’ve taken the time to hear their side first, they will be more willing to listen to yours. And, assuming you disagree, you’ll understand their perspective better.
Tip#6: Summarize what they are saying, and ask, “Did I understand that correctly?”
This is a golden tip! One wise preacher stated that many of us hear what the other person is saying but misinterpret it. That’s why this tip is critical. Instead of just interpreting their words and then replying, try something different.
Summarize what they have just said and ask, “Did I get that right?” You’ll be surprised at how often they say, “No, that’s not what I meant at all.” This tip will help you avoid many misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It could even save your marriage someday!
Tip #7: Smile and make eye contact as you listen to them.
Sometimes, people say things we don’t like. Or they say things that stress us out. However, we should always strive to keep a positive facial expression on our faces.
And smiling will help them (and us) relax and feel more comfortable. It will also help you bond with the person you are talking to. Smiling causes the brain to release dopamine and serotonin, which are neurotransmitters that boost your happiness. It also lowers your blood pressure, helps you stay positive, and helps you be more confident.
One day, my dad pointed out a characteristic of a successful executive businessman in our church. No matter what you said to this businessman, he would just smile and listen. Even if you didn’t agree with him, you couldn’t seem to ruffle his feathers. He just kept smiling! This man knew that smiling would pay off!
Of course, making eye contact is a key conversational skill, too. In a society that seems glued to their phones, we need to put down the devices. We need to stop looking for love and affirmation in all the wrong places.
Instead, we need to look into the eyes of people. We need to connect face-to-face…to smile, to laugh, to cry, to speak words of grace and truth. This life is too short to spend it staring at a pixellated screen.
Tip #8: Pay attention to body language.
According to experts, 60% of human communication is nonverbal. It’s called body language. If you can understand body language, then you have taken a quantum leap towards better conversational skills.
Through body language, we can pick up clues on a person’s emotional state, whether they agree with us or not, how comfortable they feel, and more. Crossed arms may indicate that a person is uncomfortable or defensive.
Also, the direction that your hand gestures or feet are pointing may indicate your feelings toward someone. And the way you tilt your head may indicate whether you are deeply interested in a conversation or you’ve had enough.
For more reading:
How to Read Body Language: Revealing Secrets Behind Nonverbal Cues
And this book looks fascinating! It’s now on my list of “Books to Buy.” The Dictionary of Body Language: A Field Guide to Human Behavior (by Joe Navarro, former FBI agent and body language expert)
Tip #9: Know when you’ve exhausted a topic.
When you’re talking about a topic with someone, try to keep an eye on their body language to see if they are still engaged. Be mindful of the time. If their interest begins to wane, you can always pivot to another topic (or even close the conversation if necessary).
Here are 3 ways to know if it’s time to switch topics.
- The person stops asking questions or contributing to the conversation.
- The person looks down and exhibits nervous body language (hands in pockets, fidgeting, pacing back and forth).
- You both have run out of things to say.
In that case, use one of the following phrases to switch topics.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you about…”
“That reminds me of…” [but only if it actually does]
“Bob, tell me about…” [Or ask a question about something in their life.]
“Now, on a completely different note, let me tell you about…”
Another good strategy is to give them a compliment, “I can tell you’re really knowledgeable about this topic, Sarah,” or “Thanks for sharing so much about ______. I’ve really learned a lot.” Then, follow it with another compliment paired with a question. “Hey, I love your haircut. Where did you get it done?” This is a great way to switch topics without an awkward pause.
Tip #10: Know how to close a conversation gracefully.
One of the most useful conversational skills you should know is how to close a conversation gracefully. If you can see that person has limited time and needs to go, wrap it up. You shouldn’t just say, “Well, see you! Bye!” Instead, you should wrap up with a few key sentences and end on a positive note. A good closing has 3 important elements.
- Pay the person a compliment. “I always enjoy talking with you.”
- Express your appreciation for their time. “It’s been a pleasure.” OR “Thanks for chatting- I’ve learned a lot.”
- Look forward to the next time. “I look forward to talking to you again sometime.” OR “Enjoy the rest of the night, and I’ll see you around.”
- Smile genuinely.
This will provide a sense of closure for both parties and create a positive memory. Next time, that person will tend to feel positive toward you and willing to talk again.
Let’s Chat:
Which of these tips on conversational skills is your favourite? And what would you add to this list? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
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Thank you! I needed to hear this today!♥️ Sometimes I have a hard time smiling. I need to work on it.
So glad to hear it was helpful, Kiara! Smiling is just like any other habit- the more you practice, the easier it gets. Ask God to help you have a thankful and happy heart, and smile more!
love,
Claudine
Another terrific article, Claudine! Thanks so much for the wonderful, practically-put tips. I converse with people outside my family on an almost daily basis, so I can always use pointers in that area. Love you girl!
Awww, thank you, Sarah! To be honest, I learned a lot just by researching the tip about reading body language. There is always something new to learn! Love you too! ♥️
I have lots of friends and sometimes I struggle because sometimes I say mean things to them but I don’t mean too. It just comes out mean. That’s probably why one if my friends doesn’t talk to mean anymore although I apologized to her.♥️
Kiara, I know what you mean. The secret to speaking kind words is having kind thoughts in your heart. Fill your mind with God’s Word, and ask Him to fill your heart with love for others. Then you won’t have such a struggle. Ephesians 4:32 is an awesome verse to memorize for this topic!
♥️ Claudine
I will memorize that verse!🙆
Great tips! I really struggle with eye contact. I can look at the person, but not in their eyes. I’m just not comfortable with it. Any tips for this?
It’s good for those who are more shy (such as me) to make sure they speak slower, louder, and clearer than they would generally feel comfortable doing. And when giving compliments, keep them honest. Don’t tell someone you like their outfit if you really think it’s misfitted and uncoordinated. Next time you get together with them, they might wear it again because you said you liked it.
I can readily agree with paying attention to their body language. Body language will say “I’m in a hurry!” or “I’m not comfortable with this topic.” or “This is so boring!” before the person actually says something about it to you. So it’s certainly something to pay attention to.
Dear Natalie,
Those are fantastic tips- thank you for sharing! Actually, in my research on body language, I read a tip for people who feel uncomfortable making eye contact. The author of the article suggested something like, “Look at the person’s eyes for 2 seconds, their nose for 2 seconds, and their overall face for 2 seconds.” That way, the person still THINKS you’re making eye contact, but it’s more comfortable for you. Just keep practicing. Smile while you make eye contact- even a little smile will help both of you relax. Keep up the great work and thanks for your comment!
♥️ Claudine
Thanks for sharing that about eye contact. It’s really helpful! I definitely keep it in mind!
Sometimes, when I am talking to someone I don’t know well, especially a guy, staring at their eyes will make me turn red. It just happens to me. I had heard about the two second trick Claudine mentioned above and now I do it without even thinking about it. It has helped a lot! It will feel strange at first, but if you’re like me, it is worth not turning bright red every time you try to have a normal conversation with someone. Just make sure you don’t miss what the person is saying while you count out your seconds! Yep, that has happened to me, too…
Thanks for chiming in, Sara! So glad to hear it works well- I’ll have to try it sometime, too. I just read it and thought, “That sounds smart!” 🙂
That it just how I feel, Sara! Glad to hear the method works. I will be sure to give your tips a try. I don’t want to turn bright red or miss what the person is saying. Thanks for all you help!
I also get uncomfortable and nervous to talk to people. I don’t like feeling nervous or uncomfortable. It bothers me. I can’t just go up to someone and talk to them. Do you have any tips that might help me???
Hi Kiara,
Yes, I have two recommendations. Remember that the other person might be feeling uncomfortable, too. Instead of worrying about how you feel, focus on making them happy and encouraging them. Forget about yourself as much as possible. Also, practice, practice, practice! Don’t make an excuse for yourself NOT to practice. Just get out there and talk to people! You will get better with time! 🙂
love,
Claudine
Hey Kiara! I have the same problem. I just can’t “wing” a conversation. It helps me to think of what I will say to them ahead of time. A lot of that is also remembering something they are interested in or have done lately. For instance, maybe I remember that they just took a trip somewhere. So I will approach them and say “Hey, good to see you! How did you trip go?” Starting a conversation off with a question really helps! And I agree with Claudine that you need practice, practice! lol
I totally do that, too, Elizabeth! Especially if it’s someone I don’t talk to often. And it really does help if you already have some ideas of what to talk about! Thanks for sharing that tip! 😉
I love the tip about summarizing what they have said! I’ve done that before and it’s a great idea…so I need to do it more! I love your tip about smiling. That really does put a person more at ease! And closing out a conversation is what I STINK at…ha! Definitely could use practice in that area. Another tip would be to use people’s names when you are talking with them. Instead of just saying, “It was nice talking to you!” Saying “It was nice talking to you, Claudine!” That really makes a huge difference when you address people by their name! I’ve been doing more of that lately. I think one of next year’s goals for me will be to practice in conversations! I may need to come back to these posts to pick out things to work on lol
Thanks for commenting, Elizabeth! I’m glad to hear that you are actively seeking to improve your conversational skills- me too! Good tip to use people’s names, too. I work at a hotel, and the management has been emphasizing that we call people by name, too. People love it when you do that! 🙂 Keep up the great work!
Excellent tips. Love the smiling one. I think that can make a big difference.
Jessica, I completely agree! It’s amazing what a big difference a simple smile can make in the temperature of a conversation. 🙂