Hello lovelies! I hope you are having a wonderful week so far! Last week, I shared several of my favourite conversation tips on the blog. If you missed it, you can read Part 1 here. If you want to have a thriving life and strong relationships, you need to develop your conversational skills. They take practice—and believe me, I’m still learning like everyone else! In my service-oriented job, I talk to people all day long. And, the more I do it, the more I learn!
Here are even more ideas on how to improve your conversational skills.
Tip #5: If you want to talk about something controversial, let them go first.
As a disclaimer, I’m NOT suggesting that you talk about controversial topics with just anyone.
Usually, these conversations are more productive when you’ve already got a strong foundation in the relationship. That way, people tend to be more respectful and courteous.
However, there is a time and a place for everything. Sometimes, you’ll want to know where someone stands on an issue like politics, abortion, or gun control.
In such cases, I would recommend that you first ask the person what their views are. Listen carefully and ask appropriate questions. Then, assuming they are reasonably polite, they will be ready to hear your view. Of course, be prepared to support your views with appropriate facts, statistics, or Bible verses.
If you try to share your opinion first, they may dismiss you immediately. But, if you’ve taken the time to hear their side first, they will be more willing to listen to yours. And, assuming you disagree, you’ll understand their perspective better.
Tip#6: Summarize what they are saying, and ask, “Did I understand that correctly?”
This is a golden tip! One wise preacher stated that many of us hear what the other person is saying but misinterpret it. That’s why this tip is critical. Instead of just interpreting their words and then replying, try something different.
Summarize what they have just said and ask, “Did I get that right?” You’ll be surprised at how often they say, “No, that’s not what I meant at all.” This tip will help you avoid many misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It could even save your marriage someday!
Tip #7: Smile and make eye contact as you listen to them.
Sometimes, people say things we don’t like. Or they say things that stress us out. However, we should always strive to keep a positive facial expression on our faces.
And smiling will help them (and us) relax and feel more comfortable. It will also help you bond with the person you are talking to. Smiling causes the brain to release dopamine and serotonin, which are neurotransmitters that boost your happiness. It also lowers your blood pressure, helps you stay positive, and helps you be more confident.
One day, my dad pointed out a characteristic of a successful executive businessman in our church. No matter what you said to this businessman, he would just smile and listen. Even if you didn’t agree with him, you couldn’t seem to ruffle his feathers. He just kept smiling! This man knew that smiling would pay off!
Of course, making eye contact is a key conversational skill, too. In a society that seems glued to their phones, we need to put down the devices. We need to stop looking for love and affirmation in all the wrong places.
Instead, we need to look into the eyes of people. We need to connect face-to-face…to smile, to laugh, to cry, to speak words of grace and truth. This life is too short to spend it staring at a pixellated screen.
Tip #8: Pay attention to body language.
According to experts, 60% of human communication is nonverbal. It’s called body language. If you can understand body language, then you have taken a quantum leap towards better conversational skills.
Through body language, we can pick up clues on a person’s emotional state, whether they agree with us or not, how comfortable they feel, and more. Crossed arms may indicate that a person is uncomfortable or defensive.
Also, the direction that your hand gestures or feet are pointing may indicate your feelings toward someone. And the way you tilt your head may indicate whether you are deeply interested in a conversation or you’ve had enough.
For more reading:
How to Read Body Language: Revealing Secrets Behind Nonverbal Cues
And this book looks fascinating! It’s now on my list of “Books to Buy.” The Dictionary of Body Language: A Field Guide to Human Behavior (by Joe Navarro, former FBI agent and body language expert)
Tip #9: Know when you’ve exhausted a topic.
When you’re talking about a topic with someone, try to keep an eye on their body language to see if they are still engaged. Be mindful of the time. If their interest begins to wane, you can always pivot to another topic (or even close the conversation if necessary).
Here are 3 ways to know if it’s time to switch topics.
- The person stops asking questions or contributing to the conversation.
- The person looks down and exhibits nervous body language (hands in pockets, fidgeting, pacing back and forth).
- You both have run out of things to say.
In that case, use one of the following phrases to switch topics.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you about…”
“That reminds me of…” [but only if it actually does]
“Bob, tell me about…” [Or ask a question about something in their life.]
“Now, on a completely different note, let me tell you about…”
Another good strategy is to give them a compliment, “I can tell you’re really knowledgeable about this topic, Sarah,” or “Thanks for sharing so much about ______. I’ve really learned a lot.” Then, follow it with another compliment paired with a question. “Hey, I love your haircut. Where did you get it done?” This is a great way to switch topics without an awkward pause.
Tip #10: Know how to close a conversation gracefully.
One of the most useful conversational skills you should know is how to close a conversation gracefully. If you can see that person has limited time and needs to go, wrap it up. You shouldn’t just say, “Well, see you! Bye!” Instead, you should wrap up with a few key sentences and end on a positive note. A good closing has 3 important elements.
- Pay the person a compliment. “I always enjoy talking with you.”
- Express your appreciation for their time. “It’s been a pleasure.” OR “Thanks for chatting- I’ve learned a lot.”
- Look forward to the next time. “I look forward to talking to you again sometime.” OR “Enjoy the rest of the night, and I’ll see you around.”
- Smile genuinely.
This will provide a sense of closure for both parties and create a positive memory. Next time, that person will tend to feel positive toward you and willing to talk again.
Let’s Chat:
Which of these tips on conversational skills is your favourite? And what would you add to this list? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
p.s. Some of the items in this post are affiliate links. I only post about products that I love + think you’ll probably love, too! As an Amazon Associate or affiliate for other programs, I earn from qualifying purchases. When you purchase through my link, I receive a small commission at no extra charge to you. Thank you SO much for your support!