Hello lovelies! I’m excited to do my first official collaboration- with a Canadian modest brand, Gathered in Grace! For this collaboration, I picked the Perfect Kori Dress. This dress has allllll the feminine details- floral, ruffles, a wrap top, and a flowing skirt. But I wanted to do more than just a post on a pretty dress, so I asked, “What would help my readers grow into their best selves?” I decided to share tips on how to be a better conversationalist. I’m still learning like everyone else, but I’ve been blessed to be around some AWESOME conversationalists and learn from them. I hope you find these conversation tips as helpful as I have! [Post is sponsored by Gathered in Grace and all opinions are my own.]
Read on for part 1 of how to be a better conversationalist + all the details on this adorable dress!
Tip #1: Believe that every person has something fascinating to say.
You can’t fake genuine interest. If you’re “listening” to your uncle brag about his latest fishing trip but your mind is really on the sales at Hudson’s Bay, he’ll be able to tell. Do yourself a favour- and learn to be genuinely interested in the lives of others.
This starts with humility—realizing that you don’t know it all and you have a lot to learn. The Bible tells us, “A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:” (Proverbs 1:5)
Honestly, you can learn something from absolutely anyone! You may not agree with everything they say, but you can always learn from it. If someone disagrees with you, they can point out flaws or weaknesses in your position that you would not otherwise notice. Or they may help you realize that you were wrong on something!
Every person on earth has at least one or two topics that they are deeply interested in. They might love sports, horses, politics, cooking, gardening, you name it. But, if you can figure out what those topics are, and be genuinely interested, they will be absolutely delighted to talk.
The key word here is “interested.” Focus on learning and soaking up as much as you can from every conversation. As you do so, your conversations will be more satisfying—for you AND for those you talk to!
This is a key part of how to be a better conversationalist.
Tip #2: Start with common ground.
If you walk up to a random stranger, what should you talk about first? Should you dive right into, “Can you tell me about your salvation testimony?” or “What are your dreams for the future?”
Uh-oh! Bad idea! First, you may scare them into absolute silence and/or stammering. Second, how would you feel if a random stranger came up to you and asked those questions?
When you want to break the ice, start with common ground.
Are you at a church service? Ask them what they thought of the sermon, and if this is their home church.
Are you at a sports event? Ask them which team they are cheering for, and if they have a favourite player.
Are you both taking a class or participating in a club? Talk about that first.
Common ground helps people relax and feel more comfortable with you. And it provides a great springboard for moving on to other topics.
Tip #3: Remember it’s not an interview.
I’ve totally been guilty of doing this…
*Asks rapid-fire, specific questions.
*Wonders why subject seems nervous.
*Asks more questions.
*Subject provides very brief answers.
*Wonders why this conversation doesn’t seem to be going well.
*Subject doesn’t look very comfortable.
*Concludes that this subject is not easy to talk to.
Everyday conversations are not supposed to feel like interviews. If you ask someone a bunch of pointed questions, without volunteering any of your own answers, they are probably going to feel nervous and uncomfortable. Instead of asking pointed questions, start with easy, broad questions. How would this look in real life?
Instead of asking, “Where do you want to go for college?”
Ask, “Do you have any plans for after high school?”
Instead of asking, “What do you do for a living?”
Ask, “What industry are you working in?”
Instead of asking, “Do you have any hobbies?”
Ask, “What would the perfect weekend look like for you?”
If they can’t think of something right away, just say, “Well, personally, this is what I’d like to do…” Always ready to share your personal answers briefly. And, as the conversation progresses, you can narrow in on good topics and ask more specific questions.
If you want to know how to be a better conversationalist, don’t start with very specific questions, because it puts people on the spot. Start with broad questions, and get more specific gradually.
Tip #4: Practice the art of telling stories from your own life.
A wise man once said, “Blessed is the man who can laugh at himself, for he will never cease to be amused.” Funny or embarrassing things happen to everyone. If you can condense one or two of yours into short stories, these can really help break the ice with a new friend.
Stories are huge in how to be a better conversationalist. Of course, make sure your funny stories are appropriate, and stay classy.
Here are more examples of more serious personal stories you can tell:
- A lesson learned from a grandparent or parent’s example
- A time when life handed you lemons and you made lemonade
- An example of answered prayer
- Your salvation testimony
- A time when you clearly saw God’s hand directing your life
- The happiest day of your life so far
If you want to know how to be a better conversationalist, be willing to share your real life.
Sharing personal stories achieves three important things.
First, it shows your listener that you’re humble enough to admit your mistakes and learn from them.
Second, it helps them connect with you in a deeper way.
And, it makes them more willing to share their real-life, messy stories with you. That’s what real friendship is all about!
Now let’s take a look at this dress…
What I Love About This Dress
If you’re looking for a fall prairie dress, this one is absolutely adorable! It is made of 100% rayon, a lightweight fabric that drapes beautifully. I chose the rust colour because it has all the fall feels, and I love this dress’s delicate floral print.
Even better, this dress is super comfortable. I’m wearing the Small here, and it’s a generous fit. This dress has a true wrap top, fastened by a hidden snap. It would be perfect for expectant or nursing mamas, too! Because I’m small busted, I actually safety-pinned the wrap a bit higher for a better fit.. But, honestly, this dress would look cute no matter what your bust size is.
I love this silhouette—a gathered waist and full skirt—because it’s flattering for every body type. No matter whether you have an apple shape, pear shape, or other shape, you’re going to look ladylike and slim in this dress!
It’s also a great transition piece for summer to fall. For warmer days, just wear it alone with a camisole and slip. When the air gets chilly, add a jean jacket and booties for the perfect fall outfit!
Let’s Chat:
Do you love floral prairie dresses, too? Would you wear this one? And what’s your #1 tip for how to be a better conversationalist? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
love,
Claudine
Read Part 2 of How to Be a Better Conversationalist here!
P.P.S. A huge thanks to my talented photographer- my younger brother!
I love your dress! It’s so pretty!😊 I struggle with talking to people in person. I’m more comfortable writing to people. Its hard for me what to say to people. It’s also hard for me to find things to say that interests people so sometimes I make stories. That’s probably not a good thing to do.
Thanks for your kind words about the dress! I completely understand what you’re saying. Honestly, I used to be nervous about talking to new people (still am once in a while)! But practice helps a lot, and doing your best to help the other person feel comfortable! When you find your confidence in Christ, you will be able to be your real self and be honest about your life. Ask God to help you become a better conversationalist, and don’t feel that you have to “make something up”! Honesty is always the best policy. 🙂
Love,
Claudine
Thank you. It is hard to be honest though.Something I need to work on.♥️
Hey Kiara,
I’m praying that God will help you with that, then! Try to memorize 3-5 verses on telling the truth, and quote them to yourself when you are tempted to lie or fudge the truth. That will really help! 🙂
♥️ Claudine
I read a great book some time ago on being a better conversationalist. It’s “Making Better Conversationalists” by Steve and Terri Maxwell. I really learned a lot from it. I can be a pretty good conversationalist depending on the situation. Generally, I’m super shy. I can definitely agree with you about the pointed questions. I feel so awkward ever time someone asks me, “Where do you plan on going to college?” I just tell them that I don’t plan to go to college.
I love the pattern on your dress. It’s so dainty and feminine! The rust color is lovely too. And I really like the picture of you laying down in the moss – the colors turned out so vivid in that image!
Dear Natalie,
That book sounds wonderful- I’ll have to check it out! I understand where you’re coming from because I actually decided to skip college, too. It’s just not the best investment for everyone. Instead, I tell them what I do for work. You can’t please everyone- so just focus on pleasing God with your plans. 🙂
Thank you so much! Yes, that photo is my favourite, too! My little brother is a great photographer and I’m so thankful for his help!
Thanks for commenting- I really appreciate it!
Love,
Claudine
Everyone says that I’m good at talking with people but I feel like I stink at it..ha! It’s just that it’s not easy for me to get started, especially if I don’t know the person. Once I get started, I’m usually okay! A big thing for me is that I’m not good at talking about myself lol Which can be a good thing, since that makes me a better listener. But it can also be a not so good thing when you need to keep a conversation going. So that’s been something I’m working on!
You are probably awesome at conversation- don’t be so hard on yourself, girl!! Keep up the great work + keep practicing your stories! ♥️ Claudine
I really enjoyed this, Claudine. I have noticed before that you and your siblings are such good conversationalists. I always come away from a conversation with one of you feeling significant, because you all listen with such rapt attention. You were the perfect person to write this article!!
For me, talking comes fairly easily, but learning to listen attentively is something that I am working on. In my line of ministry, I spend almost every day conversing with someone outside of my family, so this was very helpful! The book by Mr. And Mrs. Maxwell that Natalie mentioned above is indeed worth the read!!
Your dress is lovely!! So pretty and feminine!! You look beautiful! And Julian did a great job with your pictures!
Sara, thank you so much for your kind words!!! It means a lot! I know exactly what you mean- I want to improve my listening skills, too! Glad to hear another recommendation of that book- I did put it on my list of “Books to Buy.” Yes, I’m really thankful for Julien taking pictures- he’s quite talented!
Love you, girl!! ♥️
You look absolutely beautiful! This dress is perfect! This is such a good series. Put me with friends, and I’m fine. But I have such a hard time in a group of new people. Finding common ground will probably help me get started.
Thank you for your sweet comment, Jessica! I know what you mean- and it’s amazing how easy a conversation gets when you DO find common ground. Keep up the great work serving Jesus!
love,
Claudine