Hello my lovelies! One of the sweetest blessings of life is having strong friendships. You know they’re just an email or phone call away. They sympathize with your problems, and they hear your heart. Even when they see the real you—warts and all—they love you. Such friendships take time and effort. If you want to build strong friendships, today’s post is for you.

Here are my top 5 tips to build strong friendships.

1. Choose likeminded friends.

Even the best of friends will disagree on minor things. I like tea; she can’t stand it. I love to read; she prefers a good movie. These minor differences will not make or break a friendship. Instead, they add spice and interest to it.

But, if you and your friend are constantly at odds over faith, politics, or important lifestyle choices, it’s not going to be a fun ride. You won’t understand her, and she will have a hard time understanding you. You may be able to have a ministry to her, but not a close friendship.

To build strong friendships, you need to have fellowship. Fellowship means that you and I agree on the most important things of life. It means that I have the freedom to point out a blind spot in your life, and you can do the same for me. It means that I’m not walking on eggshells to avoid offending you. And it means that we are both pilgrims on the journey Home.

And within that freedom and fellowship, we can find great joy and encouragement.

As the Bible says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3)

2. Reconnect with old friends and acquaintances.

Some of my closest friends are girls I grew up with. We were friends as young girls and teenagers, but then life pulled us apart. Thankfully, we later reconnected as friends and grew close again. Now, we can look back on shared memories and common experiences.

It’s hard to build a friendship entirely from scratch, especially as societal trust erodes. If you want a good friend, look back in time, and reach out to someone from your past. (Obviously, I’m not encouraging you to pick someone that isn’t seeking the Lord. Choose wisely.)

3. Be proactive.

I get it. We’re all busy. But are we going to let friendships wither because we’re just “too busy”?

A friendship is like a houseplant. If you water it, it will grow. If you place it in a sunny window, it may even blossom. But, if you neglect it, it will dry up and crumble.

Instead of waiting for your friend to text, call, or write, be proactive. Call a friend just to catch up. Send a handwritten note or small gift. Write a birthday card, and pop it into the mail. Put some time and thoughtfulness into your friendships, and you’ll have blossoms in the spring.

4. Open up to your friend.

Unfortunately, many friendships today are extremely shallow.

I’ll like your photos on Instagram, wish you a happy birthday when Facebook reminds me, and tag you in our group selfie. We’re friends, right??

While friendship can include all of the above, it is sad when a friendship goes no deeper. It’s sad when we’re so wrapped up in our own little world that we don’t see those who are hurting. We need deeper friendships. And there’s only way to get there.

We need to open up. And I’m not talking about telling your Instagram followers that you struggle with mental health on #BellLetsTalkDay. (Didn’t everyone say that already?) I’m talking about sharing your actual, right-here-right-now struggle with a trusted friend. Ask them to pray for you. Ask them to keep you accountable. Rip off the mask of perfection.

When you share your own struggles with a friend, you’re taking your friendship to a deeper level. It’s the “I trust you,” level. And this enables them to have the same freedom to share their problems.

Ask a friend, “How can I be praying for you? What has God been teaching you lately?” Be willing to encourage them and challenge them spiritually. And ask them to do the same for you.

5. Be a giver.

Are you a giver or a taker in your friendships? Personally, I tend to be a giver. But sometimes givers attract people who are just takers…ready to accept love and kindness, but not equally ready to give it.

God may bring people into your life so that you can minister to them. Seek Him for the grace and wisdom you need to do that. Learn to give of your time, effort, and attention without expecting anything in return.

But, in order to have balance, you also need friends who are givers. People who are willing to pour just as much time and effort into the friendship as you are. Friends who will pray for you, tell you the hard truth in love, and be happy for God’s blessings on your life. People who will make the effort, show up, and keep their promises.

These friends are hard to find.

But I’ve found a few, and they’re gems. You know who you are!

Let’s Chat:

Which of these tips to build strong friendships was your favorite? And what would you add to my list? I’d love to hear your opinions in the comment section!

Love,

Claudine

For more posts on friendship, you can read:

How to Be Best Friends with Your Siblings: Part 1

How to Be Best Friends with Your Siblings: Part 2